Breaking Free: How I Overcame Addiction and Found Mental Clarity
There was a time when addiction ran my life.
Not just the physical cravings but the mental fog, the self-doubt, and the feeling of being trapped in a cycle I couldn't break.
I ran on a super-fast version of autopilot, convincing myself I was in control while everything around me told a different story.
If you've been there, you know exactly what I mean.
But here's the thing: breaking free from addiction isn't just about stopping the behavior. It's about reclaiming your mind, your agency, and your clarity. It's about realizing that life isn't something that happens to you. You have a huge say in it.
I want to share my journey.
Not because I have all the answers, but because I've been where you are.
And so can you if I can come out on the other side with a clear mind and a sense of purpose.
The Illusion of Control
At my lowest point, I believed I was making conscious choices.
In reality, I was reacting.
If it wasn't crack or heroin, it was fair game.
I was hanging out with people I didn't know, didn't respect, who didn't know me. Somewhere in the fog of it all I realized I was trying to fill a hole in my empty soul.
The substances, the habits, whatever it was, I let it define my days and weeks 1000%. I convinced myself I could stop anytime, but I didn’t have a plan for doing so as I was having fun.
Sound familiar?
Addiction thrives on these lies we tell ourselves. It convinces you that you're still in control when, in reality, you're handing over the keys to something else.
The Breaking Point
I stepped into the Shawnee Mission Medical’s Addiction Recovery Unit in my late twenties. The twenties had been a blur of excess and self-indulgence, and I finally had to manage the mess I'd made.
I recall vividly being in there with a young man who was recovering from heroin, and he didn't make it to week two.
I often wonder if he's still alive.
I often think that the odds were against me when I stepped in, and how fortunate I am today.
I walked into AA meetings feeling like I didn't fit in…still feel that way about AA to be honest. Looking around at people with years of sobriety, sharing their stories with confidence.
I felt like a fraud.
Like I wasn't "bad enough" to be there or "good enough" to get better.
There was a moment when I had to face myself.
Not the version I presented to the outside world, but the real me. The one who was scared, tired, and desperate for something different. That moment wasn't dramatic.
It was quiet.
Just me, looking in the mirror of my apartment in Mission, KS, knowing I had a choice: keep running/partying or face myself.
The only way to fill the hole in my soul was to crawl out of my real hole. Get a clear mind. Get perspective.
Rewiring My Mind
Addiction is more than a behavior. It's a pattern. Breaking the pattern meant rewiring my brain to a certain degree.
I stopped lying to myself.
I didn't just quit the substances. I quit the places, the people, the habits that led me back to them. You absolutely cannot heal in the same environment that made you sick.
The biggest surprise?
Once I got sober, my brain felt scattered. Addiction had numbed me, and suddenly I had to focus again. I leaned into structure. Setting routines, writing things down, and forcing myself to focus when my brain wanted to run.
What Sobriety Feels Like
After many decades of not using alcohol or drugs, I finally understand who I am as a person.
For years, I thought substances helped me "escape." That they relieved stress, made life more bearable. But now, looking back, I see how much they blurred it all.
I won't lie and say it's easy.
But I will tell you this: it's worth it.
Because when you break free from addiction, you don't just get your life back. You get yourself back.
Everything awesome I've done in life has been because I've been accountable to another human. Recovery taught me that first.
If You're Struggling, Read This
If you're in the trenches right now, feeling like there's no way out, I need you to hear me: there is always a way out. You are not your addiction. You are not your mistakes. And you are not alone.
Start small.
Admit the truth to yourself.
Find one habit to replace the destructive ones. Reach out to someone, even if it's just a message to a friend saying, "I need help."
Because the moment you decide to take back control? That's the moment everything starts to change.
I believe in you.
Now, it's time for you to believe in yourself.
P.S. Here are some recovery reources to get started on your own journey:
Mental Health and Suicide Prevention
We can all help prevent suicide. The 988 Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals in the United States.
Drug and Alcohol Abuse
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA)
SAMHSA's mission is to lead public health and service delivery efforts that promote mental health, prevent substance misuse, and provide treatments and supports to foster recovery while ensuring equitable access and better outcomes.
National Helpline : 1-800-662-HELP (1-800-662-4357)
Alcoholics Anonymous
Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of people who come together to solve their drinking problem.
It doesn’t cost anything to attend A.A. meetings. There are no age or education requirements to participate. Membership is open to anyone who wants to do something about their drinking problem.
A.A.’s primary purpose is to help alcoholics to achieve sobriety.
Narcotics Anonymous
Narcotics Anonymous is a global, community-based organization with a multilingual and multicultural membership. NA was founded in 1953, and members hold more than 72,000 meetings weekly in 143 countries today.
Eating Disorders
The National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA)
is a leading eating disorders organization, and works to advance research, community building, and awareness to support the nearly 30 million people who will experience an eating disorder in their lifetimes. We work to realize a world that better understands and supports those who struggle with resources, compassion and hope.
Whether you have been personally affected by an eating disorder or care about someone who has, NEDA’s programs and services are designed to help you find the help and support you need. Recovery is possible
Helpline (U.S.)Phone: 1-800-931-2237
Other Support Services
Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA)
ADAA is an international nonprofit organization dedicated to the prevention, treatment, and cure of anxiety, depression, OCD, PTSD, and co-occurring disorders through the alignment of science, treatment, and education.
adaa.org
Mental Health America
Offers resources for various mental health issues.
mhanational.org
Remember, reaching out for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
These organizations are equipped to provide support, guidance, and the necessary resources to help navigate through challenging times.
